Husband and wife arguing, man yelling at woman

Unmasking the spirit of destruction to rebuild relationships

The Spirit of Destruction takes root: Once, their laughter filled the air, echoing through the halls of a joyful marriage. But now, a chilling stillness sits heavy in the rooms, the memories of laughter replaced by the reality of stiff, sullen interactions.

James, weighed down by long hours and the burden of providing for his four children and wife, stumbled upon undeniable proof of his wife Sarah’s infidelity. His heart shattered, anger clawed at him as he confronted her, accusations laced with fury, and the sting of his unacknowledged anxieties made the situation all the worse. 

Stunned and defensive, Sarah met his words with a wall of denial, offering no explanation or solace for James’s shattered trust. Instead, she retreated further into the silence, her hurt festering like an unhealed wound. Not to justify her actions, but deep within her, a tangle of factors whispered excuses for her infidelity.

Trapped in a home of conflicting emotions, they both withdrew, and the ghosts of their once-vibrant connection faded into the air. The Spirit of Destruction has woven its insidious web into this relationship through the entry point.

The discovery of infidelity was the crowbar that pried open the door for the Spirit of Destruction, now squatting comfortably within their home where hope and trust once were. The chilling presence of the Spirit of Destruction is now something they both must overcome in addition to infidelity.

Note: names, dates, and identifying information have been changed to protect privacy.

A paralyzing stagnation.

The couple, once comfortably nestled in a relationship, the Spirit of Destruction now weaves its insidious web, bringing with it a soul-crushing stagnation that festers in relationships held hostage, neither flourishing nor fading but gasping for breath in a limbo of unrealized potential, trapped in a stalemate. And how?

In the case of Sarah and James, the spirit has claimed a once-thriving marriage now on the brink of destruction. The stagnation claws at friendships, love, families, and even nations. This horrid stagnation is where the Spirit of destruction makes its bed–where relationships wither and hope struggles.

The bent hinge, yet not broken.

Door-hinge blue
Door-hinge blue

You’ll know the Spirit of destruction is at work when what once functioned smoothly is now broken, yet not shattered to the point of discard. Like a can opener with a bent hinge, you’re still struggling to open cans but not quite ready for the recycling bin.

The mystery behind this Spirit of destruction is this: it doesn’t necessarily aim to eradicate but to reshape what once functioned well into a state of inoperative functionality. For Sarah and James, the bent hinge is their unresolved infidelity, a wound that festers within the stagnation, poisoning their connection and keeping them tethered to this limbo of brokenness, a stage of inoperative functionality.


“The mystery behind this Spirit of destruction is this: it doesn’t necessarily aim to annihilate but to reshape what once functioned well into a state of inoperative functionality.”

Beyond personal scars, the Spirit of Destruction is a global nemesis.

Like a fugitive across countless hearts, the Spirit of Destruction has warrants of arrest for throwing persons, relationships, families, communities, and even nations into the crucible of brokenness.

Don’t be deceived. Those who align with this Spirit experience destruction or something I consider even more insidious than destruction, such as the torment of inoperativeness. The torment of inoperativeness is the psychological and agonizing paradox of being in a broken relationship where the ghosts of potential haunt the present dysfunction; the torment of inoperativeness is the Spirit of Destruction’s cruel masterpiece.


The torment of inoperativeness is the psychological and agonizing paradox of being in a broken relationship where the ghosts of potential haunt the present dysfunction; the torment of inoperativeness is the Spirit of Destruction’s cruel masterpiece.


A story of victory: Mary and Shawna’s triumph over the Spirit of destruction.

Two women arguing outdoors
Two women arguing outdoors

But even in the wreckage of fractured relationships, hope is not always far off. Consider Mary and Shawna, whose sisterly bond was choked by the Spirit for three years. A seemingly trivial incident – a house purchase – became the Spirit’s entry point, twisting sibling love into resentment.

Yet, Mary refused to surrender. Recognizing the untenable tension, she approached Shawna not with blame but with a simple question: “How can we rebuild?” Through honest conversations, they identified the festering wounds and, with humility, took steps to heal them. Building a new foundation, not recreating the past, they laid the groundwork for a restored connection.

Witnessing Mary and Shawna’s journey amidst the storm of conflict is a testament to the transformative power of humility and open dialogue. In the face of a twelve-month family feud, finding the humility to sit and listen to each other felt like scaling a mountain. Yet, they embraced vulnerability, acknowledging their roles and seeking understanding instead of blame and, most importantly, accusation-free conversations.

Their open dialogue allowed them to navigate the challenges and rebuild trust, brick by fragile brick. Mary and Shawna’s story whispers a powerful truth: even when the Spirit of Destruction looms, humility, repentance, genuine forgiveness, and open dialogue will light the path toward healing, reminding us that even the most challenging situation can, with courage and vulnerability, blossom anew.

Mary and Shawna’s story is unique. Every story will not have the same ending, and I’m not trying to reduce complex dynamics to simple formulas. But by embracing these principles, we empower ourselves to take the first crucial steps towards breaking free from the Spirit’s web and reclaiming the connections that truly matter.

Note: names, dates, and identifying information have been changed to protect privacy.

The serpent’s coils and the choice at hand.

Mary discerned something was off in the relationship, but many in the Spirit’s grip find it hard to discern. This Spirit has mastered the art of stealth, remaining hidden till its presence becomes undeniable. It feasts on pride and selfish ambition, among other things like hostility, envy, and jealousy, growing large in simmering resentment and bitterness. It stirs up the stagnant waters of unforgiveness like a child kicking up water in a rainy day puddle. No relationship, family, community, or nation is immune to its destructive powers.

It whispers in the ears of feuding nations until their citizens boil over with rage. It lies coiled, a global nemesis waiting to erupt as whispers of discord become a roar. Actions hang in the balance on the edge of self-inflicted destruction—nation against nation.


Destructive powers of the spirit of destruction.

Relationships, careers, and even our faith can be battlegrounds for the Spirit of Destruction. Here are some of its preferred weapons in these areas:

  • Slander
  • Pride
  • Accusation
  • Control
  • Envy 

Strategies for escape: But this is not the end. The first step in breaking free is recognizing the Spirit’s insidious presence. Look for the bent hinges, the festering resentments, strife, and the whispers of discord. Then, gather your strength. Walk in humility, acknowledging your contributions to the dysfunction. Seek understanding, not blame. Forgive – not to excuse, but to break the chains of bitterness. This path won’t be easy. It requires vulnerability, courage, and the willingness to seek help from counselors, support groups, or other resources.

The motivation of the spirit of destruction.

The Spirit of Destruction Why Dice.


As a pastor, I view human relations through the lens of the Holy Scriptures, which offer no definitive explanation for the Spirit of Destruction’s motivations or operations. Nonetheless, I discern that this Spirit thrives on pride, rebellion, selfish ambition, strife, and confusion, among many others. Its ultimate goal hinders people from forming healthy and righteous connections with themselves, others, and God.

A relationship fracture prevents one from fulfilling the great commandment to love God and others as you do yourself. What better way to come against God’s creation, I hypothesize, than through the destruction of relationships?

Through this one single act, the Spirit of destruction wages a desperate, unholy campaign against God, with humanity caught in the crossfire. Its strategy, simple but cunning in its stealthy influence, severs the threads of connection, undermining the very foundation of God’s creation: righteous and just relationships, the building blocks of healthy families, communities, and nations.

So, does this description of the Spirit of destruction spark your memory, drawing your attention to where you’ve seen its insidious work? The first step in breaking free from this Spirit is identifying it with surgeon-like precision, which is the continued aim of this article.

Breaking free from the starting blocks.

The question remains: will families, loved ones, and nations under its influence break free from the starting blocks and claim the victory they deserve, or remain prisoners of unfulfilled potential, forever shadowed by the Spirit of destruction?

The choice is yours. Our first step in overcoming the Spirit of Destruction is to become fully aware of its schemes and make a joint effort to make others aware of protecting humanity from its destructive nature.

Together, we can create a better world for all of us.

If you are in a situation where you see signs of the Spirit of Destruction, you’re not alone, and there is help. Suppose you’ve found it only possible to hold a conversation with continued confusion, and you continue to face the torment of inoperative functionality. In that case, you can get help from any of these resources:

  1. You can contact us at; the identity of any person who gets us for help at info@ will be kept anonymous. 


OlaDele Okuwobi

Dele Okuwobi, founder of Start With Wonder, envisions co-laboring with Jesus build the most compelling movements that drive the church’s transition to Jesus’ message about the Kingdom of God by the end of the 21st Century. This vision unfolds through 21st Century Church, a church plant launched in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 2020, and the Love & Unity Project, a consulting and coaching agency that equips churches and organizations to combat personal and systematic bias through righteousness and justice. Their combined efforts aim to inspire lasting change and transformation, both within individuals and within the broader church community. serves as a global platform to amplify this vision, where they craft and mold a collection of messages to share the good news of the Kingdom of God and shift culture.